Working Mother

Any mother who gets out of bed

Mom's Dictionary

• CAR POOL:  Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest, with the biggest bunch of kids, who have had the most sugar.
• JACKPOT:  When the kids stay at friends homes for the night.
• INSIDE:  That place that will suddenly look attractive to kids once Mom has spent a minimum of half hour getting them ready to go outside. 
• DRINKING GLASS:  Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
• BATHROOM:  A room used by the entire family believed by all ( except Mom) to be self-cleaning.
• PURSE:  A handbag in which Mom carries the checkbook and keys she can never find because they're buried under tissues, gum wrappers, a plastic container full of cereal, toys from a fast-food restaurant, a teddy bear, football, wall paper samples, a grocery list and several outdated coupons.
• KISS:  Mom medicine.
• JOY RIDE:  Going somewhere without the kids.        

     Blonde driving down the road

Reflections from Karan:

I have wonderful memories of two extraordinary women who loved, encouraged and shared their lives with me. My mother and a mother by marriage, my mother-in-law. Two women who were opposite, yet each had talents to give and freely share. The one bond they had in common was their love for God, and for me.

As I have gotten more mature, I can see more clearly how God has made impossibilities, possible. He had a plan before I was born, and knew what I would need to grow closer to Him.

Psalm 139:13-
13. You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.
15. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,
as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
16. You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out, before a single day had passed.

He saw me and loved me, when others thought I was a mistake, He had a plan.                                                           He knew the mother I need to help me through life. (Although when I hit my teens,                                                       I was sure he had given me someone else’s mother.)

My mother, Frances:

1. My mother taught me to love and trust God.God was always a part of our growing up years; mother was faithful teaching us God’s word and His values. She had a childlike trust in the God; He is the one she lived for.

Mother worked in real estate, and at times I was fearful as she drove around the city, often going into dangerous areas. She always told us not to worry; no harm would come because God was taking care of her. And He truly did. 

2. Mother taught me to love people and never give up.

Mother was always busy, learning new things, and sharing her new knowledge and anything else she had with others. She took in anyone who needed a place to stay; I know many missionary families found a home with her, sometimes for as long as a year. She loved the adventures, and would receive letters from all around the world.                                         

Mother was never judgmental of people, and would accept them just way they were. But most important, she was never afraid or shy to tell anyone about God’s love. Mother never gave up, she was a survivor, joyfully serving God and touching lives with kindness and comfort.

3.  Mother taught me to dream and laugh.

My mother was eccentrically independent with a generous heart, and loved a good deal, so thrift stores, Salvation Army, garage sales and flea markets were thrilling when she found the perfect bargain.

She always saw beauty in everything. I loved the times we spent at San Diego Bay ,having shrimp sandwiches or fish tacos with a blanket on the grass at Shelter Island. We would watch the boats sail peacefully by, as we visited and just enjoyed each other’s company. We shared our thoughts, dreams and hopes, and occasionally a funny story,with our hurts. But most of all we would speak of our blessings.

How I miss her laughter, her wonderful smile, and beautiful green eyes. I admired her strength and accomplishments against insurmountable odds. Mother often said,“With God nothing is impossible.”

We knew mother loved us, and loved God too. She trusted Him, leaned on Him, and believed  His promises would keep her through the ups and downs of life. She taught us daily about God’s grace, forgiveness and love. Through her life we could see how God faithfully protected  and care for our needs.

Mother-in-law Hedevig

When I moved to the family ranch in Canada, I was thrilled to have a welcoming mother-in-law who had raised three boys, and was delighted to add a girl to her family

1. Hedevig taught me about hospitality and cooking. (neither of which I knew hardly anything about)

She was a tall, kind, and a gentle Danish woman who loved her home and family. She taught me how to cook, clean, bake those wonderful Danish pastries and pies.I learned to can food, make jams, jellies, pickles, and how to freeze and blanch vegetables. I learned how to garden too.

There was never anyone turned away from home, generous hospitality, delicious meals and beautiful table settings.

Our homes were on the same property and we would see each other daily. She was a wealth of knowledge and made learning fun. She became my second mother, mentor, and friend.

2. Hedevig taught me about patience and to enjoy special moments.

As the years past, three daughters were born to our family, and they loved their grandmother very much. I fact every day after school they would stop at Grandma’s for cookies and tea, play a game of Sorry or Trouble, and then come home. She always had a listening ear, and encouraging word and many hugs. It was as though
it was their special time to have Grandma all to themselves.

Over the next few years, she endured severe illness, and as the family, we rode the roller coaster of extreme disappointments. My daughters would still visit Grandma after school every day, however they would set the cookies on the table, make the tea, set the games up, and she would come and set with them and watch as
they played. Over a cup of tea, sweetened with laughter they enjoyed their time together

3. Hedevig taught me about Grace and music appreciation

She was a beautiful pianist, organist and singer. And that gift was passed on to her children and grandchildren. I loved to listen as she sat and played the piano for hours in her home. I would go over to her house on the corner of ranch yard, and quietly enjoy my own concert. It always brought comfort to her soul as well as mine.

She endured great physical pain and showed grace throughout the illness. Always knowing God loved her, and had faith he had a perfect plan for her.

My mother’s gifts, have given me a lifetime of wonderful memories that are worth more to me than silver and gold. I have been blessed.©

Lovingly,  Karan

 AND HE DIED LAUGHING!!!

****************************************************

 Was it Rudolph?

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,

usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known…..

.it wasn't Rudolph, it was RUBY!

***************************************************

Christmas Reflections from Karan: 

Restlessness is characteristic of our generation today. In these days of confusion and turmoil from life’s activities, we hardly have time to enjoy our blessings. That has certainly been true of my life these last six months.

Lyle and I finally decided to buy a home in rural Alberta, near the US border. We are now remodeling. I am not sure if it is because I am older, but our remodeling has gone extremely slow. At times, I have been so exhausted I would collapse in a heap and not move until morning, and found it hard to make decisions.

Some days in the throes of discouragement, I doubted God’s concern and care. I felt God had led us to southern Alberta, but what was to be fast and easy turned into hard and slow. Had we made a mistake?

No… just learning some love lessons in patience. Waiting for the plumber, the electrician, for a bathroom, sinks, carpenters, appliances, and flooring. Waiting, waiting, always waiting. I am working on it, but I have not perfected waiting it yet.

When life is hectic, we become preoccupied with ourselves, our circumstances and can soon forget about our friends, family, and God.

What a shame, God is the only one who can bring rest and peace in the midst of all the craziness.

Over the years, there have been hard lessons to learn, But God in his great love has shown me that the things I valued most, are not as important as the people in my life or my relationship with Him.

Especially, when faced with the fact there may not be any tomorrows left. It is funny how fast our priorities can change.
Suddenly spending time with God and talking to him seems more important than all my busy-ness for him.

Jesus knows about all of activity in our lives, because he made us. He also knows that we need times of rest both---Physically and spiritually.

On a night almost 2000 years ago, God in his love gave Himself to man in the person of Jesus Christ.

An angel choir heralded his birth in a Bethlehem manger. We still celebrate His birth today. We call it Christmas.

Thirty-three years later, Jesus Christ continued loving me when He willing took the punishment I deserved, by giving His life on the cross in order that I might have my sins forgiven,

He is the only source for perfect peace and complete rest for our souls, especially at this busy time of year. You are loved and special to Him. ©

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning…
Face it, He is crazy about you! – By Max Lucado

Merry Christmas,
Lovingly,
Karan Gleddie

****************************************

What do you call an ELF who sings?

A Wrapper!

     'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
     Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
     After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.
 

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth, at least for me!

1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine..
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

Just do it!

Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!

Reflections from Karan:

I flew to Regina, SK Canada for some speaking engagements and needed to rent a car. How excited I was to get a new 2011 Ford Focus with all the bells and whistles. It felt so luxurious.

After the meeting, a few women decided to take me out for a snack. I followed them and parked my car in a lot next to the restaurant. However, when I was ready to get out of the car, the keys would not come out of the ignition; they were stuck. Realizing my predicament, some of the women went ahead to reserve a table for all of us. Sarah decided to stay and tried to help me figure out what had happened to the car. Twenty minutes later, I finally suggested she should go on ahead and I would be there soon.

Sitting in the car wondering what to do, I started to have a meltdown. Waiting for the rental company to answer their phone and call me back, trying to find answers in the car manual when I didn’t know what was wrong, was unnerving. I don’t read manuals; I’m the gal that buys “Dummy” books with pictures. Show me; don’t tell me, that is how I learn. Besides who can understand a manual when you’re in a crisis.

Suddenly a woman came rushing up to the car and said, “Did you put the car in park? Sometimes when the car is not in park you can’t get the keys out of the ignition.” Why didn’t I think of that!

I put the car in park, and the keys came out, it’s a miracle! I think I will dye my hair black when I get home!

Over the years, I have learned to embrace and laugh at my blonde day adventures, there seems to be so many.
I had turned the key off my car, but never put the car in park. I was going nowhere fast.

Sometimes life is like that too. We allow situations to paralyze us, and we have a hard time moving ahead being trapped in the moment. With all the stresses and expectations in today’s world, I have had to learn I am not super woman. What a relief!

I have often said if I wasn't laughing, I would be crying. In this journey of life, I would like to love and laugh more and enjoy the ride.God has given me the freedom to be me, blonde, quirky, and flawed. I do not need to be superwoman, I have a super God.©

Lovingly, Karan

COMMENTS:

1. What a delightful Newsletter Karan! I enjoyed it while sipping my first cup of coffee in the morning!

Oh, and don't dye your hair black any time soon....I would have had a hammer in my hand after 20 minutes of waiting for someone to tell me what to do about that key in the car!! Remember my motto: When in doubt, force it!! Sat, April 16, 2011 @ 10:45 AM   Elayne

 2.  The watch dog joke was really cute. Now I want a guard dog just to use one of the cute names! Thanks for sharing, Cheryl      Mon, April 18, 2011 @ 1:51 PM 

To my Christmas Guests,

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Christmas. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:

Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Christmas, we will refrain from using the plastic Easter Bunny plate and the turkey napkins from Thanksgiving.

Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a tree-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a really an angel.

We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Christmas, presents and the Santa hotline.

Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 AM upon discovering that the Christmas turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. There will be accompaniment for the children as they sing for you, I will be a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door.

Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving the Christmas turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice: take it or leave it.

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Year.

She probably won't come next year either.  I Am Thankful!!!

Unknown Author

                                  ELVIS?

The Gift That Just Keeps Giving

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got."                                                                               

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."                     

Reflections from Karan:

Bah Humbug! 

 Every year at this holiday season our family watches “A Christmas Carol”. We love the black and white version with Alabaster Simms, as Ebenezer Scrooge. As the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future each pay their nightly visit to Ebenezer; he is traumatized by his nightmares.                                                                         

However, in the morning daylight things don’t look so grim, and he rejects the nightmares, saying: Bah, humbug, I think the reason I love “A Christmas Carol” is because it causes me to reflect on my own past, present and future.

As I look back, I remember the cherished times with family and friends that no amount of money could buy. There have also been hard times too, mistakes and bad choices I have made, people I have hurt and a constant battle with a stubborn will.

I am so thankful that God loved me through the ups and downs of my life, even when I was undeserving. And because of his love almost 2000 years ago, God’s gift to man was the birth of Jesus Christ, in the Bethlehem manger. We celebrate His birth on Christmas Day.

And Thirty-three years later, Jesus Christ continued loving me when He willing took the punishment I deserved, by giving His life on the cross so I might have my sins forgiven. This incredible gift is ours if we accept the forgiveness and unconditional love He offers us through Jesus Christ, inviting Him to come in and take up residence in our lives.

The Bible says: I have loved you with an everlasting love. This love is forever, unchanging, and constant.

He knows what each day holds for us and loves and cares about every detail. I am able today, to remember the past, be thankful for the present, and look forward to the future because I have a Savior that walks with me through life. I love you Jesus, thank you for Christmas, for a Savior and a future.  © Karan Gleddie

Merry Christmas, Lovingly,
Karan

 OUR GREATEST NEED:

• If our greatest need had been information, God would have sent us an educator;

• If our greatest need had been technology, God would have sent us a scientist;

• If our greatest need had been money, God would have sent us an economist;

• If our greatest need had been pleasure, God would have sent us an entertainer;

• But our greatest need was forgiveness, so God sent us a Savior.   

                                                                 Source Unknown

Why parents drink

The boss wondered why one of his most dependable and valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.  " Hello ? "

"Is your daddy home?" he asked. " Yes ," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?"   The child whispered, " No ."

Surprised and still wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes ."

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.   "Busy doing what?"

" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.  Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.."ME."

 I  have had one of these months!

Refections from Karan:

THE AUGUST HUSSLE                 

August has always been a stressful month for me.  I am finishing up all the loose ends before fall arrives.  It is also an expensive month, with all the costs of getting the kids ready for school.  New clothes, backpacks, supplies, and trying to get an extra weekend away before those school days, sports, and music lessons take over my life. 

When my children were younger, I could take them to the store and buy their school supplies and clothes, and they were thrilled.  However when they became teenagers, each one had their own distinctive fashion and style.  One of my daughters decided she didn’t want to wear Levi’s anymore; she wanted designer labeled jeans like everyone else.  My husband, Lyle, wasn’t sure what designer was in, but he thought surely as long as it had a name on it, it would work.

While visiting a western-wear store, he found a sale on designer jeans: “Kenny Rogers” with the name and face embroidered on the back pocket.  Wow, he thought he had hit the jackpot and bought two pair. He couldn’t wait to get home and show off his find.  

I had a hard time keeping a straight face when he gave those “Designer Jeans” to our daughter. They say, “A picture is worth a 1000 words.” I wish I had that picture.  She didn’t have the same enthusiasm that my husband had for those jeans, and she said, “I’m not wearing a picture of Kenny Rogers embroidered on my butt.” Who knew?

She never did wear those jeans, and two years later we packed them up and gave them away.

When I think back, I just laugh out loud thinking about those “Kenny Rogers” jeans. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t have worn them either.

My husband thought he was giving her a great gift, but she didn’t see those jeans as wonderful.  How often I do the same with God. When he doesn’t give me what I want, or my struggles overwhelm me, I begin to doubt his love and promises.   

Jeremiah 29: 11-14 states, ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord.  ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen. ’” 

It is such a relief to know that God has plans for me, and he is in control.  I have learned I have no control, and get tired of trying to keep up.  My job is to believe his promises and allow him to mold me into his image and follow him.  

Lovingly

Karan

 In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to be a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing be sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of a walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake up to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.  Yup, gonna be bear!

Author unknown

Need A Job?

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much do you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 dollars? "The man agreed an told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "does she realize that the porch goes all around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 dollars. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a porch, it's a Ferrari."

Reflections from Karan:

'You're just like your mother"                                                                          
People would say, “You’re just like your mother” and I would cringe. At the ripe old age of 15, 20 and 28, those were not the words I wanted to hear. I wanted to be a super mom, you know, the woman that did and had it all. I was going to be organized, clever and insightful at life. No traumatic crisis for me.

My mother came from a harsh background; I think she spent her life trying to work through the difficulties she encountered as a child. She strived to be understanding and kind towards others. Unlike her parents, she achieved her goal. There were painful personal and emotional struggles in her life, as well as great highs. Mother was always optimistic no matter what life handed her. Her motto was: “tomorrow’s a brand new day.”

She worked hard to put a roof over our heads and food on the table, never giving up or expecting handouts. Although others thought we were poor, I can’t say that we ever thought we were. We always had enough, when we outgrew our shoes and clothing; she made sure we had something new to replace the old. I often wondered how she worked her magic with the budget, but as I look back I realize she went without so that my sisters and I would have more opportunities and a few extras.

Mother loved a good deal, so thrift stores, Salvation Army, garage sales and flea markets were thrilling when she found the ultimate bargain.

She loved her flowerbeds and gardening much better than house cleaning and often said she felt closer to God outside. She loved to spend time talking to Him in the quietness of the morning as the sun rose on a new day.

We knew mother loved us, and loved God too. She trusted Him, leaned on Him, and believed His promises would sustain her throughout life. She taught us daily about God’s grace, forgiveness and love. Through her life we were able to see how God faithfully protected and care for our needs. My mother, has given me a lifetime of wonderful memories that are worth more to me than silver and gold.

Now when I hear “you’re just like your mother,” I say thank you. I pray that my children will know how much they are loved, and that they would see the light of God’s love in my life too.©

Lovingly,
Karan

 REAL MOTHERS

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried play dough doesn't come out of carpets.
Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.
Real Mothers sometimes ask 'Why me?' and get their answer when a little voice says, 'Because I love you best.'
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade...
It is marked by the progression of:


MOMMY TO MOM TO MOTHER

4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE - Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned .
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it .
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mom.     unknown                             

 I DID'T FEEL A THING!

    A young man said to his father at breakfast one morning, "Dad, I'm going to get married."

   "How do you know you're ready to get married?" asked the father. "Are you in love?" "I sure am," said the son. 

   "How do you know you're in love?" asked the father. "Last night as I was kissing my girlfriend good-night, her dog bit me and I didn't feel the pain until I got home."

Source Unknown.

***************************************

Dearest Jimmy,

   No words could ever express the great unhappiness I've felt since breaking our engagement. Please say you'll take me back. No one could ever take your place in my heart, so please forgive me. I love you, I love you, I love you! Yours forever, Marie.

     P.S., And congratulations on willing the state lottery.

**********************************

Love at all stages of Life.

"Honey, I think I had a little to much fruitcake."

Reflections from Karan:

The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question - worth 500 points!"

To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned,"name two of Santa's reindeer."The contestant, a man in his early thirties, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" he said confidently, "and, ...Olive!"

The studio audience started to applaud (like the little sign above their heads said to do,) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain...'Olive?!?'"

"You know," the man circled his hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

Wise Men or Women?

Are You ready for Christmas?  There re a lot of arrangements to be made every time Christmas rolls around.  And I think women are more aware than men of exactly how many arrangements are necessary to prepare for Christmas.

Someone once pondered the question of what would have happened the first Christmas night if wise women came from the East instead of wise men.  This is the conclusion.

The wise women would have asked for directions sooner,  and made it to Bethlehem on time.  They would have helped with the delivery, cleaned up the stable, made a decent meal and brought some practical gifts. (unknown author)

Reflections for Karan:

I promise myself every year I will get all my Christmas shopping done before December 1st, which I had accomplished only once in my life  many years ago, I was so proud of myself.   I hid the gifts so no one could find them before Christmas day.  However, I hid them so well I couldn't find or remember where I hid them. I didn't those gifts until we moved four years later.  I finally came to the conclusion I do Christmas shopping faster and better under stress, you know, when in panic, fear or doubt run in circles, scream and shout.

I was a little slow getting the Christmas feeling this year, and when things finally snapped into gear my to-do list was overwhelming. The Christmas baking I wanted to do, and the gifts I planned to make, just didn't get done.  I ran out of time.

TIME seems to be the one thing we long for, but never seem to have enough of. And when we get a few minutes we are usually too tired to enjoy it.

Julia Ward Howe said, “I am weary way down into next year”. That is descriptive of the way many of us feel---especially at the Christmas season. We become so exhausted that we miss the rest and peace that the Christ of Christmas can give us.

Our lives become so busy; we get worn out and have no time for friends, family or God. A lady once told me,” I ‘am so busy serving God, that I don’t have time for God”. What a shame, because God is the only person that can give us true rest and peace in the mist of our hectic lives.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Lovingly, Karan

 Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday, and all is well.  God is in Control

   How *not* to stuff the turkey, for Thanksgiving

The turkey shot out of the oven and rocketed into the air,
it knocked every plate off the table and partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner and burst with a deafening boom, then splattered all over the kitchen, completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows, it totally coated the floor, there was turkey attached to the ceiling, where there’d never been turkey before.

It blanketed every appliance, it smeared every saucer and bowl, there wasn’t a way I could stop it, that turkey was out of control.

I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure, and thought with chagrin as I mopped, that I’d never again stuff a turkey.... with popcorn that hadn’t been popped!!

Author Unknown

Blonde baking a Thanksgiving turkey!

Did you hear about the BLONDE who was cooking Thanksgiving dinner?  She baked the turkey for 2 1/2 days, because the recipes directions said cook 1/2 hour for every pound.  She weighed 125 pounds!

Reflections from Karan:

Can I be Thankful?

When I moved to the family ranch in Canada, I was thrilled to have a welcoming mother-in-law who had raised three boys, and was delighted to add a girl to her family.  I was a California Beach Bunny who had married her son; she was a tall, kind, and gentle Danish woman who loved her home and family.  She taught me how to cook, clean, bake those wonderful Danish pastries and pies.  I learned to can food, make jams, jellies, pickles, and how to freeze and blanch vegetables.  She became my second mother, mentor, and friend.

Living in the same yard on the ranch, we spent a lot of time together; I was constantly amazed at all, I could learn from her.

As the years past, three daughters were born to our family, and they loved their grandmother very much.  I fact every day after school they would stop at Grandma’s for cookies & tea, play a game of Sorry or Trouble, and then come home.  She always had a listening ear, and encouraging word and many hugs.  It was as though it was their special time to have Grandma all to themselves.

My In-laws had been away on a wonderful vacation, and when they had returned, my dear mother-in –law was not well.  After many doctors’ appointments, the diagnosis was Cancer.  When I heard the news, it seemed unreal to me.  Cancer was something that happened to other families not ours.  How naive I was.

Over the next few years, she endured endless chemotherapy treatments, severe illness, and as the family, we rode the roller coaster of extreme disappointments.  My daughters would still visit Grandma after school every day, however they would set the cookies on the table, make the tea, set the games up, and she would come and set with them and watch as they played.  Over a cup of tea, sweetened with laughter they enjoyed their time together.

During those years I was angry with God, I would open my Bible to read, and instead just weep.  I could not understand why God would allow this suffering to our family.  I tried bargaining with God.  “I’ll do anything you want, just make her better, my girls need her, I need her, and my family needs her.”  However, instead of getting better, we watch her visibly declined each day.

When my mother-in-law entered the hospital the last time we knew she would not be coming home again.  My daughters and our family were heartbroken; we were walking a road that was painful, with no road map, just going from one day to the next, trying to understand what God was doing, and wondering if he even cared.

The last three months of her life, I would spend each day with her.  She was a woman who loved God and read her Bible through each year.  I would keep her daily reading up as she rested, feeding her when she was too weak or the pain was too great, or just sitting quietly as she slept when under heavy sedation.  A friend told me that when someone is not responsive or in a coma state never say anything that you would not want him or her to hear, although they cannot talk, hearing is the last sense to go.  I was always very careful to remember those words of caution.

Time drew short and we as a family knew she would be going home to the Savior she loved.  As I watch her suffering I knew I had to let go, I was broken and prayed,” God, I know you love her more them I do, you are in control, I want your will not mine”.

As God’s peace filled my soul I knew that everything would be all right.  God’s plans are deeper, wider, and higher than anything, I could imagine, and in the loving arms of a faithful and trustworthy God, I knew we would be safe.

On Sunday afternoon a few days later she slipped into a coma, our family was told she would not know we were there, and she could not hear us or speak.  I decide to go in to her room and see her one last time.  I picked up her hand and whispered in her ear, “I love you Mom,” there was a slight squeeze to my fingers, and she whispered, "I love you too.”  Those were last words she spoke.

On Sept. 7, 1979, she slipped into eternity to meet the Savior she loved, and all the family and friends who were waiting for her.  What a glorious morning, (Col. 2:5)"Absent in the body, present with the Lord, (Rev. 21:4) No more pain and sorrow, and all tears are wiped away.”

God gave me a wonderful gift that day—a daily reminder of his love and faithfulness to me––one that I have cherished for 29 years.

Lovingly, Karan

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What are You thankful for?  Let me know.

Working people often ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a police officer writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said,”Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a dummy.

He glared at me a started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So Mary called him an idiot.

This went on for 20 minutes. The more we angered him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then, our bus arrived and we got on it and went home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we are retired. It's important at our age!                    Author unknown 

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Reflections from Karan:

Every year when summer arrives I tell myself that this is the summer; I am going to take it easy, relax, and take time to smell the roses. However, when the summer ends, I need a vacation away from the vacation. I have on occasion toyed with the Idea of booking a room at the retirement lodge for a month to recuperate, there I could sit uninterrupted in a rocking chair and sing “Blessed Quietness.” When your life feels out of control, have you ever felt like running away?

My life has been a roller coaster for the last two months, and when my to-do list hits overflow, I become overwhelmed. At this point, I feel guilty, and decide not to look at my list any more. (No, I ‘m not feeling better yet) Throwing the to-do list away now becomes a real option. I could start a new list, and forget how far behind I am.

The problem is, I often cannot face failure or rejection. I would rather not try than to risk failure. I want to see the big picture, and know success is certain. However, nothing in life has guarantees, when my financial prospects are bleak, the job market is uncertain, and I struggle with health issues, it is easy to become overwhelmed. Sometimes, I wish God would send me an e-mail, as a quick reminder that He is still in control. However, he only asks me to trust him. Can I trust him my concerns, stresses, and fears? 

Psalm 46: 1-2 says, “God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear, even if earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea.
 

He is my strength, and light in a troubled world, I will not fear? ©  

 Lovingly, Karan

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God's love does not keep us from trials; it helps us to get through them.

     When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then I started to become a woman.
     And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends. 
     One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
     Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
     Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
     One friend will say, "Let's cry together," another, "Let's fight together," another, "Let's walk away together."
     One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish, another your love for movies,another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be your clarifier,
another the wind beneath your wings.
     But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day, or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .. those are your best friends.
     It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many, it's wrapped up in several... one from 7th grade, one from high school, several from the college years, a couple from old jobs,on some days your mother, on some days your neighbour, on others, your sisters, and on some days, your daughters.
     So whether they've been there 20 minutes or 20 years, you are blessed.   God has placed these women in your life to love, encourage and help you make a difference. 
                                                                   Author unknown
 

 Blonde Coffee

A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.

Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.

She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.

"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.

The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."

"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "I'll have two regular, two black, and two decaf."

Reflections from Karan:

Where would we be without those dear sisters we call Girlfriends.  The ones we laugh with, cry with, and shop with.  Our mother's, sisters and friends who encourage, teach, and help us to become better women. 

Mrs. Mitchell, my third grade teacher who spent extra time with me, teaching me to read. When I repeated third grade, she never made me feel inferior.  To this day, I still cherish her memory and kindness. 

I think of my mother who raised me even when the stigma of being an unwed mother many years ago.  (I will not tell you how many)  I know that choice caused her many hardships in her adult life.

Over the last eight months, I have struggled with depression, which a new medication caused.  Depression was one of its side effects.  During this time, my family and friends constantly loved, prayed, laughed and encouraged me, always reminding me that God knew exactly where I was.  Sometimes when we get into a dark place, it is hard to find our way out.  

When I hit a wall, I became overwhelmed, and started looking at all the circumstances and stress in my life, I forgot about all the good things.  I took my eyes off of the Lord, instead of remembering all that He has done for me.  My cup became half-empty, instead of full.    As I had time to meditate and look back, I realized how God has lead me with His love and faithfulness over the years.  He is faithful, constant, and everlasting.

In Hebrews 11: 1-3 I am reminded:   Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.  By faith, we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.

I have found Him to be all I need.

I  want to thank all the Girlfriends in my life who daily encourage me to be the best I can be for the Lord.  Your loved.

Lovingly,

Karan

Daily Exercise for the Non-Athletic:

A calorie guide citing a recent medical association report: "Proper weight control and physical fitness cannot be attained by dieting alone. Many people who are engaged in sedentary occupations do not realize that calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise." Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities and the number of calories per hour they consume.
Beating around the bush..................... 75
Jumping to conclusions......................100
Climbing the walls..........................150
Swallowing your pride....................... 50
Passing the buck............................ 25
Throwing your weight around
(depending on your weight)..........50-300
Dragging your heels.........................100
Pushing your luck...........................250
Making mountains out of molehills...........500
Hitting the nail on the head................ 50
Wading through paperwork....................300
Bending over backwards...................... 75
Jumping on the bandwagon....................200
Running around in circles...................350
Eating crow.................................225
Tooting your own horn....................... 25
Adding fuel to the fire.....................150
Opening a can of worms...................... 50

Source Unknown. 
 

Group Therapy 

    I decided to take an aerobatics class.   I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour.  But, by the time I got my leotards on the class was over!         

 

 

Excerising Together

 

A retired couple decided that they should walk two miles a day to stay in shape. They chose to walk a mile out on a lonely country road so they would have no choice but to walk back. At the one-mile mark on their first venture, the man asked his wife, "Do you think you can make it back all right, or are you too tired?" "Oh, no," she said. "I'm not tired. I can make it fine." "Good," he replied. "I'll wait here. You go back, get the car and come get me." 

 

 

It is great having a friend to talk to; someone in whom I can confide my secrets, even if she is jogging circles around me so she can keep her heart rate up.

But the greatest comfort about my friend is the assurance that our friendship is secure. I know she loves me even with all the fluff and glitter, blonde hair and pearls.

I also have another friend who thinks I am special, allows me to the freedom to be myself and I never have to impress him. God is cheering for me and wants me to be all I can for him. His love and grace is forever, unchanging and constant. Even when times are hard, I am secure in his care.

Lovingly,
Karan Gleddie

 

You can see them alongside the shuffleboard courts in Florida or on the porches of the old folks' homes up north: an old man with snow-white hair, a little hard of hearing, reading the newspaper through a magnifying glass; an old woman in a shapeless dress, her knuckles gnarled by arthritis, wearing sandals to ease her aching arches.

They are holding hands, and in a little while they will totter off to take a nap, and then she will cook supper, not a very good supper and they will watch television, each knowing exactly what the other is thinking, until it is time for bed. They may even have a good, soul-stirring argument, just to prove that they still really care. And through the night they will snore unabashedly, each resting content because the other is there.

They are in love, they have always been in love, although sometimes they would have denied it. And because they have been in love they have survived everything that life could throw at them, even their own failures.  

Ernest Havemann, Bits & Pieces, June 24, 1993, pp. 7-9.

If we discovered that we had five minutes left to say all we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they love them. Why wait until the last five minutes? 

C. Morley

THE GIFT OF LOVE

Looking for a gift or just a unique way to say "I love you?" What do you give when his dresser is full of cologne and you're both on diets? When flowers die too soon, and you've already spent next month's paycheck? Here are 19 great inexpensive ways to tell the love of your life just how much you care.

1. Make a homemade card with a picture of the two of you on the cover. Get ideas for a verse by spending a few minutes browsing through a card shop.

2. Write a poem. It doesn't have to rhyme.

3. Send a love letter listing the reasons "Why I love you so much."

4. Pledge your love for a lifetime. Write it on calligraphy or design it on a desktop computer and print it out on parchment paper and have it framed.

5. Bake a giant cookie and write "I love you" with heart shaped redhots or frosting. (Don't worry about the calories, it's not for eating!)

6. Kidnap the car for a thorough washing and detailing.

7. Compose a love song.

8. Call a radio station and have them announce a love message from you and make sure your love is listening at the right time.

9. Make a big sign such as: "I Love You, Kristi. Love, Joe" and put it in front of your house or her apartment complex for the world to see.

10.  Hide little love notes in the car, a coat pocket, or desk.

11. Prepare a surprise candle light gourmet low-calorie dinner for two.

12. Promise to change a habit that your love has been wanting you to change.

Family Matters.

Reflections From Karan:

 As I watched my husband hang up each of our daughters’ wedding pictures in our new home, I remembered all the laughter, joy, and craziness of their childhood.  In the quietness of our dream home, I am left with quiet memories of endless dishes, piles of dirty clothes, backpacks filled to overflowing, and always racing to get somewhere quick.  It was a time we thought would never end.  Continuous games, parties, and worry.  Wishing for five minutes of peace and quiet, and telling myself someday I would have time to do all the things I dreamed of.

My dream was to take a long, hot bubble bath with candles in a dimly lit room.The kind of bath that will soak all your stress away with the right candles, bath oil, and music that will relax your soul.  However, I had three vivacious daughters, who loved to sit around the bathroom telling me about their day at school, doing impressions (of teachers, boys, and friends), and regaling me with their newest jokes and stories.

As I look back I see that my daughters thought my quiet time was their time, because I was not talking on the phone, doing business, or attending to someone else’s needs.  When I was in the bathtub under all the bubbles, my daughters knew they had my full attention.

The years passed and I kept holding on to my elusive dream, which seemed so far away.  A long, hot bubble bath.  Candles and soft music with no interruptions.  Resting quietly, stress free.

However, a funny thing happened along the road of maturity.  I do not take baths anymore.  I find they are not as much fun as they use to be.  The water gets cold too fast and it is far too quiet.

It was something I wished for all my life, but it is something I no longer enjoy.  I loved those times of laughter, stories, and heart-to-heart talks.  I am a shower girl now. God must have a sense of humor. 

 Many times in my life with all the craziness, if I could not laugh, I would have cried.  Even when things are tough, to find humor in the little things gives me hope. ©

  Give me a sense of humor, Lord

Give me the Grace to see the joke,

To get some humor out of life

And pass it on to other folk.

Love and Smiles,

Lovingly,

Karan Gleddie

According to the Alaska Department  of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. 

            Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
 

          Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known…... it wasn't Rudolph, it was RUBY!

           A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL

Funny, Funny, Mother 

Reflections from Karan:

Can you relate, to Funny, Funny, mother?

Although all of us could relate to the Funny, Funny mother story, TIME seems to be the one thing we long for, but never seem to have enough of. And when we get a few minutes we are usually too tired to enjoy it.

Julia Ward Howe said, “I am weary way down into next year”. That is descriptive of the way many of us feel---especially at the Christmas season. We become so exhausted that we miss the rest and peace that the Christ of Christmas can give us.

Our lives become so busy , we get worn out and have no time for friends, family or God. A lady once told me,” I ‘am so busy serving God, that I don’t have time for God”. What a shame, because God is the only person that can give us true rest and peace in the mist of our hectic lives.©

Jesus is the only reason, for the season!

Wishing you a Merry Christmas,

Lovingly,

Karan Gleddie

The best Christmas gift of all is the presence of a happy family all wrapped up with one another.

This  diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
Instructions for Stress Diet
 

BREAKFAST:
1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

LUNCH:
4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
The rest of Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

DINNER:
2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

LATE EVENING NEWS:
Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)
 

RULES FOR THIS DIET:

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)
 

Remember, "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."

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Reflections from Karan: 

The stresses of life seem to be piling up every day. I watch the housing and stock markets slide, the cost of fuel, food, and living expenses rise, and wonder if things will ever return to normal. As I travel, I find others are feeling that same kind of stress too.  Many times I try to comfort myself with the potato chips, brownies, and cheesecake. However, after I have comforted myself with all those goodies I feel stuffed and guilty (especially when my husband wants to know what happened to the whole cheesecake and the carton of Ice cream) “did we have company? He asks.
 

I find it astounding that in times of great stress, I run to the panty for some comfort food hoping it will make me feel better, instead of seeking the great Comforter who has everything I need.   I run around trying to fix everything myself, as if I have complete control. (Besides, doesn’t worry and stress makes me feel sooooo… much better, as I take two extra strength aspirins and lay in a heap on the bed.) God where are you? I would ask.

Then it occurs to me, God has not gone anywhere, he has always been right beside me and waits patiently for me to whisper His name. God wants me to bring my needs to him; and in return, he will give me the peace, faith, and love I need to face each new storm. 
 

In Philippians 4: 6-7 it says, Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than human mind can understand. His peace will guard our hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
 

Now that is a prescription for stress I can rely on! ©
 

Keep smiling, Lovingly,
             

                    Karan Gleddie

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh yourmemory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine..

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - cold drink in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another cold drink while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts

(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

I didn't have potatoes, so I substituted rice. I didn't have any paprika, so I used another spice.  I didn't have tomato sauce, so I used tomato paste.  (whole can, not half,  I don't believe in waste.)       My friend gave me this recipe and said, "You can't beat it!"  There must be something wrong with her!  I COULDN'T EVEN EAT IT !

 I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation known as buying a bathing suit.  When I was a child, the bathing suit for the woman with a mature figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure.  Boned, trussed, and reinforced, those swim suits were not so much sewn as engineered.  They were built to hold back and uplift and they did a darn good job.  
         

Today, stretch-fabric bathing suits are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure chipped out of marble.  The woman with a mature figure has little choice.  She can either front up at the maternity wear department and try on a floral costume with a skirt and come away looking like a hippopotamus that has escaped from Fantasia - or she can wander around any run-of-the-mill bathing costume departments and y to make  a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluoro rubber bands.  
         

What choice did I have?  I wandered around. I made my choice and disappeared in to the small chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. I fought my way into the first suit but as I twanged the last shoulder strap in place, I gasped in horror. My bosom had disappeared. I found one cowering under my left armpit. It took a little longer to find the other -flattened beside my 7th rib.  The problem is" today's suits do not have bra cups.  The mature woman is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump. I realigned my speed hump and turned to the mirror to make a full-view assessment. The suit fit all right. Unfortunately, it only fit those bits of me willing to stay inside it. 
           

 The rest of me oozed out of  the top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of playdough
wearing  an undersized piece of cling wrap. As I tried to work out where all these extra bits of me had come from, the sales girl poked her
 head around the curtain. "Oh, there y'all are," she gasped.   "Yes, they are ALL me,"  I replied, looking at the extra bits.
          

"What else have you got?"  I tried on a crinkled cream one which made me look  like designer tape. I tried on a floral two-piece which made me look like an oversized napkin in a napkin ring. I struggled into one of leopard skin with a ragged frill and ended up looking like Tarzan on an off day.  I donned a black one with a net midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning, and I tried on a pink one whose legs were so high cut I would have needed to wax my eyebrows to wear it!
          

Finally - success. I found the one that fit. A two piece with a short style  bottom and halter neck top. It was cheap, comfortable, and
bulge friendly.  I bought it. When I got home I read the label:
 "Material may become transparent in water." I am determined to wear it. Ijust have to  learn how to do the breaststroke on dry land.
         Author: Unknown

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MISS WILSON, SOMETIME I WISH YOU WEREN'T SO PUNCTUAL!

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Reflections from Karan:

My self-image has always been a little distorted, so when I read, “shopping for a bathing suit,” I could really relate.  I have spent extended lengths of times in the “chamber horrors” (the fitting room) only to leave in tears, because I could not find anything that looked right.  I would leave wishing I was taller, thinner, had a flatter stomach and no muffin top around my waist. 

Occasionally I even toyed with the idea of a major overhaul, from top to bottom.  You know the kind, where they pull everything up, starting at the knees.  (Somehow the image of my navel in the middle of my forehead, has kept me taking the final step)

I think God has a sense of humor too; after all, He made us.  Have you ever stood naked in front of a mirror and quoted Psalm 139: 14a I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” Personally, I have not been able to get past the fearful!

 Our confidence comes from knowing that God made us in his image, he knew what we would look like before we were ever born and loved us anyway.   

The Bible says:

    You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.  Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
     You saw me before I was born.

          Psalm 139: 13-16a (NLT)

When he looks at us we are perfect in his eyes, he thinks each one is of us is unique and special. ©

Have a GREAT summer.  God loves you.    

 Lovingly,

             Karan Gleddie

PRACTICE FOR YOUR MAMMOGRAM

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there's no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam, and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And you can do this right in your own home! 
 

Exercise 1:  Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast between the door and the main box. Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five 
seconds (while you hold your breath). Repeat again, in case the first time wasn't effective enough. 
 
Exercise 2:  Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer.  Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking.  Repeat twice a day

Exercise 3:  Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor.  Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van.  When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse.  Hold for 5 seconds.  Repeat on other side.

CONGRATULATIONS! 
Now you have nothing at all to worry about when you go for your Mammogram
 

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Spring reflections from Karan:

I have been in California for almost a month, and have been appreciating the warm weather, and admiring the beautiful flowers. I learned this week that there are over 230,000 to 270,000 species of flowering plants according to David Bramwell (2002), each one beautiful and special in its own way. Do you know how special you are?

For years, I was desperately trying to bloom where I was planted to gain love and acceptance from others. In my world things were never as they might have appeared, I was afraid if people saw the real me, they would not love or accept me. I hide behind a mask, which I called a smile, and I learned to become whatever I thought other people wanted me to be. You know, Perfect Mask—Perfect Life

Although I had a husband and family who loved me, my concept of love was flawed. I thought it had to be earned: If you were good, drove the right car, had the right friends, or joined the right country club, you were loved. If you did not have all those things, or were not in the right social group, you were not loved. I thought love and acceptance could be given and taken at a moment’s notice.

Do you step into the arena of life everyday wearing masks, striving for the right appearance and performing your best for love, acceptance, and approval? I have news for you.

God sees us without the masks and thinks we are beautiful, he loves and accepts us just the way we are, no conditions. The Bible says:

Has anyone by fussing before the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? If fussing can't even do that, why fuss at all? Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don't fuss with their appearance—but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? …If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? Luke 12: 25-28, the Message-

His love is forever, unchanging, and constant, it is unconditional!

Lovingly,

© Karan

There is no magic wand to take away the pain of our trial and  tribulations, through humor, however, we can hasten the healing.