Stay !!!

I have just spent the last month and a half packing, moving and unpacking, not my favorite job. When the word moving is said at our house, my husband gets this glaze over his eyes, and seems to go catatonic, and stays that way until the house is put back together and things seem to be semi-normal.

Since selling the ranch in 2000 we have moved five times, each time we tell ourselves we are downsizing. And with each home we seem to accumulate a little bit more. How does that happen?

I know there are some great organizers and tips out there, or items that make a move easier. How about sharing then, and I will post them. I know I will be moving again, and I am sure it will be helpful to others who face the prospects of a move also.

Joyfully unpacking,

Karan

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the  majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm- plan for a last-minute shopping trip.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think thiswould send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th-hour decision-making burden.)

On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost in the snow and clouds, and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to pointfingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the "Guy" test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.  Author Unknown

The rabbi answers, "Take your goat into the room with you."  The man in incredulous, but the rabbi insists. "Do as I say and come back in a week." 

A week later the man comes back looking more distraught than before.  "We cannot stand it," he tells the rabbi. "The goat is filthy." 

The rabbi then tells him, "Go home and let the goat out. And come back in a week." 

A radiant man returns to the rabbi a week later, exclaiming, "Life is beautiful. We enjoy every minute of it now that there's no goat -- only the nine of us." 

 Two blonde guys walk into a pet store. One says to the store owner, "We want four budgies."

  What does it look like?" she finally asked. 
The policewoman replied, "Its square and it has your picture on it." 
  The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman. 
  "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then
handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a
 cop."

Diet tips:

1.  If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, they will cancel each other out.

2.  Calories don't count if you eat with someone and you both eat the same amount. Food taken for medicinal purposes does not count. This includes toast, hot chocolate, brandy and Sara Lee chocolate cake.

3.  If you fatten up everyone around you, you'll look thinner. Snacks consumed at a movie do not count as they are part of the entertainment. For example: Mild Duds, popcorn with butter, red licorice and M&Ms.

4.  Pieces of cookies contain no calories. The process of breaking causes a calorie leakage. Late-night snacks have no calories.

5.  The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

Source Unknown.

 Beware, Blonde Boater  

2. Note the inappropriate or funny things people say or do in public, and draw parallels between those silly behaviors and your own. Positive humor goes beyond mere criticism to a recognition of our common plight as less-than-perfect human beings.

3. Include in yor regular reading diet published collections of wit and humor, humor columnists, comic strips, and stories by writers with a well-developed sense of humor.

4. Occasionally do something harmlessly absurd and totally out of character for your spontaneous entertainment.

5. Avoid sarcasm, ridicule, and excessive teasing. They hurt rather than heal.

Source Unknown.

We knew she was having a blonde day, when she baked the turkey for 4 1/2 days.... instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 108 pounds!!

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the hpuse and went stright to the mailbox.  She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.  A little while later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again.  Angerily, back into the house she went.   As the man was getting ready to edge his lawn, here she came outt again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.  Puzzled by her actions the man asked her,  "Is something wrong?"  To which she replied, "There certainly is!"  My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electronic store and said, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Your a blonde."

So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"You're a blonde"

"How can you tell I'm a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!"
"Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave!"

**************************************

She was so blonde she didn’t go water skiing, because she couldn’t find a lake with a slope!

I knew she was having a Blonde Day when she spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box because it said “concentrate.”

**************************

REPLACEMENT  WINDOWS

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
 
Hellloooo,...........just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for  themselves!
 

Helllooooo? It's been a year! I told him. There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back.
 

Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an idiot.
 

 

What do you call a Blonde when she dyes her hair brunette?   Artificial Intelligence

**************************

Another Blonde Moment......

A few years ago, after our second grandson was born, I was shopping in Winnipeg for just the perfect gift for this precious baby.  A baby shower was scheduled for that night so I decided to buy a new top to go with my jeans to wear that evening. 

I found a cute red Tommy Hillfiger top with his signature red, blue and white detailing on it including a nice half inch wide horizontal band starting at the neck all the way to the bottom of the top.   Since I had not seen many of the ladies at the shower for some time I made my rounds, talking to everyone I knew as well as meeting some of my son-in-law’s friends and relatives. 

 Towards the end of the evening my sister and her daughter approached me to chat, complimenting me on my cute top.  Before they left, my niece gently, and as privately as she could in a room full of women, took hold of the “half inch band” at the neckline of my top and began to peel off the “size indicater” with the capital “L’s” plastered all the way down my top explaining that “maybe we should just take this off!”  She peeled the PLASTIC strip off my top and carried on with our conversation as though nothing extraordinary had happened while I stood there feeling like she just destroyed my top!!

Elayne

Did you hear about the BLONDE who got a new AM radio?  It took her a month to realize she could play it at night?

 IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"  She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"       

"STAY"

  I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the
Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled
down the car windows to make sure my
Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

       She was stretched full-out on the back seat
and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there!  I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,  
       "Now you stay. Do you hear me?"
                      "Stay! Stay!"  

       The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put it in park?"

Moving is a stressful and time-consuming project;  The more mature I get the less I like this task.  While drowning in boxes, I took some time off to look for a new washer and dryer.  I was nearing my last pair of underwear, and things were piling up.  For two days I had searched the sale fliers and furniture stores for the perfect laundry set that would fit both my needs and budget.  After comparing prices, I made my decision and was ready to lay down the money.  I chose a plain white washer and dryer with burgundy lettering, which I thought would match our furniture.  (I know, It's not going to be seem in the living room, but as a Image/Wardrobe Coach I felt better knowing everything matched.)  Besides, it had a wrinkle-free cycle that appealed to me, considering my ironing board and iron are the stone age models.  I've always said,"If it wrinkles, we don't need it."  My children use to tell people, "We're glad we don't wrinkle, or mom would have thrown us in the dryer too!"

The salesman was anxious, jumpy and talked incessantly.  He assured me I had come to the right place, I would get the best price, best deal and the best warranty of any customer he ever had.  And, because I was such a great customer the store would deliver the new laundry set Saturday morning at 9:00am.   Now, I am like a two-watt bulb in the morning, so the 9:00am delivery would  be a real shock to my system.  I needed to be up at 7:00am to get dressed, put my face on, comb my hair and have enough caffeine to be coherent for the deliveries.

Saturday morning came, no washer and dryer.  I was in panic mode.  I had another appointment across town at 2:00pm.  Finally, I recieved the call telling me the deliveries would be arriving at 1:00pm sharp.  I knew this would push my schedule and I was about to have a total meltdown.

When they arrived at 1:15pm, I was told they wouldn't have time to set up the washer and dryer.  "It's easy, apiece of cake, you can do it yourself," the deliveryman said,  giving me thumbs up as he raced out the door.  Now I don't know about you, but when someone tells me it's easy, red flags start flying at full mast.  He seemed to have some confidence in my abilities, although he had never seen me in action.  I have been told that I am "'extremely mechanically delayed."

I remember thinking the washer and dryer didn't looked right, but I had no time to speed on that thought, as I rushed off to the next appointment.  I prayed I would have good luck, and hit green lights.  That did not happen.  It seems the faster I go, the behinder I get.  I wonder does that happen to everyone?

After a stressful afternoon, I arrived home and looked at the washer and dryer.  I realized the tops were the wrong color.  Instead of white with burgundy letters across the top, it was baby blue enamel.  Kind of a "Blast from the Past" 50's look.

I checked serial numbers, and researched the internet, but could not find anything that resembled my set.  I stayed up half the night and gotten myself in a tizzy, I was sure the company ripped me off and sent  a relic from the back of the warehouse instead.  I finally feel asleep at 4:00am, worn out and grumpy.  I still had no clothes washed!!!!  ( I thought I might have to finally give in and take them to the laundromat,  something I had hoped to avoid.)

The next morning, we went to Church. I must tell you I was not in a church going mood.  I was upset at the world.  Later in the afternoon I decided to go by the furniture store and confront my salesman, praying all the way that I would be kind but firm, and avoid a total meltdown in public.   I walked in and asked for my salesman, explaining to another gentleman the wrong washer and dryer had been delivered to my house.  He wasn't at all sympathetic and told me "those things happen".  I was not feeling cared for at that moment.  Here came Harold.  I explained my plight.  He told me he had never seen a washer and dryer with baby blue enamel.  He suggested that I might have gotten the latest model, which was even newer than the ones in the store.  Harold and I walked through the warehouse, and checked the internet again, but still no baby blue washer and dryer anywhere.  He tried to be optimistic, laughed, and said I must have gotten the only set made.  I was not laughing!

Little beads of sweat were forming on Harold's forehead and he began to ramble again.  It seemed he was trying to confuse me,  ( Not that I NEED to be confused.) I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I was firm and told Harold I wanted the company to come get the baby blue laundry set, and I would like to cancel my order.  Harold wanted to discuss the matter further and asked me to sit down.  

All of a sudden he sat up straight in his chair, as if a bright light had just been switched on.  Looking at me intently, he said," did you take the blue plastic of the washer and dryer?  Shocked, I squared my shoulders, and indignantly said, 'I was positive the top was enamel."  Harold said, "the plastic is very hard to take off."  

My mind was racing.  I told him I would go right home and check again.  As I was getting into my car. I saw my distressed salesman, Harold coming out of the store to have a cigarette, I suppose to calm his nerves.  He was pacing back and forth and talking to himself.  I think I ruined his day......

Running into the house, I grabbed a coin and scratched at the enamel.  It started to peel off,  I was horrified.  As I peeled off the "Blast from the Past" baby blue plastic, I saw my beautiful white laundry set with the burgundy letters.  I tried to call poor Harold,  but he wasn't accepting any calls.  I wonder why?

It had been one of those weeks.  Sunday afternoon I laid down and had a much needed nap!©

Lovingly,

Karan Gleddie

Did you hear about the Blonde Sky diver?  She missed Earth!

Hi all,

I’m sorry I haven’t written sooner.  September has been a fast paced month for me. I have moved across the country and with everything that entails I’ve been lucky to find my PJ”s and toothbrush!

During this time I have experienced more “Blonde Days” than usual.  I don’t know about you, but those days seem to find me no matter what part of the country I am in…It’s a good thing I can laugh about them. (I’m blonde what can I say.),

At this moment I am trying to find things again.  Plastic spoons, forks, and Tupperware are now part of my dining room experience, I haven’t found the box with the utensils yet.  I forgot to write on some of the boxes what was inside… (Imagine that)    It’s been like a treasure hunt, and I am always surprised at what I find.!    You know (why on earth did I pack that thing, I thought I gave it away, and now it has followed me. Yiks!)

Next week I will have another “Everyone has blonde day” story for you, it is called:

                   “The Great Laundry Room Caper”

Have a great week, keep those blonde stories coming, I love hearing from you. ©

Lovingly,

Karan Gleddie

I knew she was having a Blonde Day when she thought the singing group "Boyz II Men" was a daycare center.  

         *****************************  

 A true blonde moment in Napa

Back when I was half my age, I had the most embarrassing thing happen to me, 
and I will never forget - it was a true blond moment.

I was living in Napa and had just started working for a small, privately owned Christian magazine
company as their secretary. The only people who worked there, besides me, was my boss, his wife and another male writer.

We worked in an older part of town in a house that had a long walkway with a set of stairs at the end that led to this quaint victorian house. I was pregnant at the time, probably seven or eight months along.

One day I got up for work and slipped on the same pair of pants I had worn the day before because I only had a few things to wear that fit those last months of my pregnancy. After I got to work, I was typing away
when my boss walked in with a long stick in his hand and said "are these yours?" My underwear from the day before was hanging at the end of the stick!
I guess I had pulled my underwear and pants off
together the day before and it had worked its way down the leg. Of course I answered "no," but I'm sure he knew they were, because like I said, his wife
was the only other women who worked there, plus he could probably tell by the color of my face!             

                              Lynne,  California

       ************************************************

Can You relate with that story, I sure can. Thank you Lynne for sharing with all of us. 

Do you have a "Blonde Days" story?  Send it to me, we will only use first names.  I would love to hear from you.

                 Lovingly, Karan Gleddie

Always wanting to be dressed appropriately for the occasion, I decided to wear legging and an outsized t-shirt (to cover any bulges) and a headband so people would think I was a authentic exerciser. My daughter wore her shorts and a cute top; I thought we looked like an ordinary twosome going to the gym.

Because I was at the office in the morning, we were a little late for the start of the session.  Laughing and excited we stopped on the stairs and gazed over the class of women doing a rapidly paced step aerobics, in their fancy, well matched, small, tight, outfits.  I was starting to have that big bird feeling in my gigantic t-shirt.   I realized my comfortable outfit was not going to look great for pictures as we were all exercising, especially from the backside...

The instructor delegated us to the back row (thank goodness) and said, “Please put on your aerobic shoes”.  To which I replied, “We didn’t bring any, we’ll just wear our socks.”   At that point she stopped the class, and educated everyone on the hazards of not wearing the right for aerobic shoes. (She acted like we were not serious enough for her class, I wonder what gave her that idea) 

The music started up again, a high-speed pace moving at damage speed for me!  I could hardly keep up, huffing and puffing.  “O’ my goodness I’m overdoing it,” I thought, “I’m sweating I had better slow down or my make-up will come off”.  At that point I fell to the floor in a heap; my youngest daughter was starting to slow down too.  The teacher was yelling for everyone to keep the burn going and keep up the pace, especially those in the back row. (Which was only the two of us.)

At that point I realized how ridiculous this situation seemed, I started to laugh, my daughter laugh too.  The louder the instructor yelled the harder we laughed; there we lay in hysterics on the floor.  I must say we embarrassed ourselves that day, but we can remember that day with great fondness.

My youngest daughter says we were making memories, and she is right.  Isn’t that what life is all about.  Joy as we travel this life. ©

Have you had some ridiculous Blonde days?  I would love to hear about them, and share them with others.  “Laughter is good for the soul and lifts our spirit."

Have a wonderful Week!

Lovingly,

Karan Gleddie