MALE vs. FEMALE AT THE ATM
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE &FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.
MALE PROCEDURE:
- Drive up to the cash machine.
- Put down your car window.
- Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
- Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
- Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
- Put window up.
- Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth, at least for me!
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine..
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty handbag, locate cardholder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Just do it!
Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day!
Reflections from Karan:
I flew to Regina, SK Canada for some speaking engagements and needed to rent a car. How excited I was to get a new 2011 Ford Focus with all the bells and whistles. It felt so luxurious.
After the meeting, a few women decided to take me out for a snack. I followed them and parked my car in a lot next to the restaurant. However, when I was ready to get out of the car, the keys would not come out of the ignition; they were stuck. Realizing my predicament, some of the women went ahead to reserve a table for all of us. Sarah decided to stay and tried to help me figure out what had happened to the car. Twenty minutes later, I finally suggested she should go on ahead and I would be there soon.
Sitting in the car wondering what to do, I started to have a meltdown. Waiting for the rental company to answer their phone and call me back, trying to find answers in the car manual when I didn’t know what was wrong, was unnerving. I don’t read manuals; I’m the gal that buys “Dummy” books with pictures. Show me; don’t tell me, that is how I learn. Besides who can understand a manual when you’re in a crisis.
Suddenly a woman came rushing up to the car and said, “Did you put the car in park? Sometimes when the car is not in park you can’t get the keys out of the ignition.” Why didn’t I think of that!
I put the car in park, and the keys came out, it’s a miracle! I think I will dye my hair black when I get home!
Over the years, I have learned to embrace and laugh at my blonde day adventures, there seems to be so many.
I had turned the key off my car, but never put the car in park. I was going nowhere fast.
Sometimes life is like that too. We allow situations to paralyze us, and we have a hard time moving ahead being trapped in the moment. With all the stresses and expectations in today’s world, I have had to learn I am not super woman. What a relief!
I have often said if I wasn't laughing, I would be crying. In this journey of life, I would like to love and laugh more and enjoy the ride.God has given me the freedom to be me, blonde, quirky, and flawed. I do not need to be superwoman, I have a super God.©
Lovingly, Karan
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday, and all is well.
COMMENTS:
1. What a delightful Newsletter Karan! I enjoyed it while sipping my first cup of coffee in the morning!
Oh, and don't dye your hair black any time soon....I would have had a hammer in my hand after 20 minutes of waiting for someone to tell me what to do about that key in the car!! Remember my motto: When in doubt, force it!! Sat, April 16, 2011 @ 10:45 AM Elayne
2. The watch dog joke was really cute. Now I want a guard dog just to use one of the cute names! Thanks for sharing, Cheryl Mon, April 18, 2011 @ 1:51 PM
Posted on
Fri, April 15, 2011
by Karan Gleddie